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[Apr0409] |
If only life was simple. If only I could live my life without having to be overwhelmed with so many different emotions all tumbled into one.
Confusion and decisions.
That incident still hits me and jolts me in the head like a nightmare I could barely forget. Every sleepless nights, every emotion, every memory, still runs like a fresh wound down my flesh.
Look forward, never look back. You live for the future, you do not live for the past. But the past made me who I am now.
If only life was like a cassette tape. Then maybe I could hit pause or replay all my favourite parts. Erase any bitter or ugly moments and record over happier and more beautiful scenes.
But who am I kidding, life gets ugly at times and there's really nothing I can do.
I wish I could forgive you with ease. I wish I could look you in the eye and tell you that I am genuinely happy. But the truth is, I am not. Those 6 months still cling onto my back like a virus I can't shake off. I wish I had that big a heart too. I wish we could be happier.
I wish.....
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| Fallin' Out |
[Mar0309] |
gah wha blehh.
Life in the office is beyond mundane, stale and still.
Was trying my best to keep hold of my concentration towards the assignment I was given to my utmost ability but my mind still wandered eventually (what's new). Was thinking of what choices I should give myself with regards to the courses I am going to be taking up in uni and I actually contemplated if I missed cj or not.
While my mind told me that I should actually be satisfied that I am finally rid of cj (3 years mind you) and that I am now having a relatively stress free lifestyle now (imagine all the mugging I had to go through previously, totally killed majority of my braincells) and that finally once I enter uni...
I do not have to go through the trouble of escaping from teachers with regards to school attire, cca attendance, class attendance, lesson attendance (yeah theres a difference, you can pon either school as a whole or be present at school and just pon the lessons themselves), your behaviour, being a retainee and thats just probably some of the few situations you can find yourself in when you are in cj because cj is always coming up with some weirdass rule and regulation that majority of the students end up breaking without even realising.
However, I just came to a conclusion that I actually do kinda miss cj to a certain extent. I've been in a catholic school since primary school and i've been studying in a catholic school environment for 13 whole years and truth to be told, I don't think I can actually feel this sense of homeliness elsewhere.
I used to look forward to the day I'd be able to go to school without having to don on a set of uniform and face a whole chunk of school retrictions even to the slightest detail. But now that I think back, it was actually these that moulded and shaped us to be who we are now. So many friendship ties, happiness and bonds.
I actually miss cj.
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| ALWAYS |
[Mar0309] |
Sitting alone at a corner typing away and I think I am driving myself nuts.
Life in the office is so mundane and tell me, it's only my first day.
I've been staring at the computer screen for 8 hours straight (albeit the little moments when I choose to stroll off and have some fun on my own) typing in so many weird names of medication (Chlorphenamine, Guaifenesin, Diphenhydramine Expectoran, Cetirizine, Loratadine, wtf????!!!) that I am starting to think that I might need some for myself because it's giving me a bad headache when I only had 2 hours of sleep the night before.
Sometimes I don't know if I should count myself lucky or that life's just unfair to a certain extent but whatever it is, I am actually pretty satisfied with my Alevel results. Not straight As nor of extremely top standard but it's good enough for me. So much better than how much I actually expected.
A huuuuge thanks to family, friends and <3.
I feel like a zombie now it's no joke.
Ok, 6:06pm and counting down and I've happiness waiting outside my office for me!
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[Mar0309] |
Mon, Mar 02, 2009
AsiaOne
>The results of the 2008 Singapore-Cambridge GCE Advanced Level Examination will be released on Friday, March 6.
School candidates may obtain their result slips from their respective schools from 2.30 pm.
Fucked.
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| Poker Face |
[Feb0209] |
I spent my night with Xinya at the chillax-est place today and we had our htht and it was goooood.
Everything's happening really quickly and may I add that sometimes while part of me considers to be anxious to know the answer to some questions, the other part of myself is just tugging me at the sleeve moving a step backward.
I feel like adding pictures but I am getting very lazy with the hassle and all to upload em into photobucket... Soon soon. I guess.
And I feel like locking my journal. Yes No Yes No. ZzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZzzzz
Someday we'll knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
OK hitting the sacks now.
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fearhatetragedy's journal